Folks, prepare yourselves for a whirlwind adventure through the mind of a preteen. I am stepping away from my pride to bring you some of my early works. At that age, I though I could write an award-winning novel without breaking a sweat. I will warn you that it is not finished, nor will I attempt to continue this saga. It is purely for your satisfaction and cliff-hanging disappointment. Perhaps this unfinished story will be my vindication for not being able to hang on to Firefly, or Reboot. Hopefully, these stories will be able to infuse life back into my dying blog. Thanks for reading.
Editor’s note: this story is highly unedited from it’s original form.
Editor’s sub-note: “episode 1″ of Agent Drudge’s Classified has been lost to the ether, and I can’t get it back. This is technically episode 2.
Editor’s addendum to the sub-note: don’t judge. It gets better after the first chapter.
Classified
The Good and the Bad
(The Case of the Kill Joy)
Chapter 1 - Untitled
It was midnight and I was wide awake at my desk. My office consisted of a file cabinet, a chair, a desk, a television, a table with a coffee maker on it, and a rubber plant. In case you were wondering, the television didn’t work or I would be fast asleep; Brady Bunch doesn’t do much for brain cells. I was up on the third floor of a building in downtown Wen York city (you wouldn’t know where that was, of course). That night, I had a feeling that something was wrong.
On Marchuary the twenteleventh, my office door swung open and a dark man approached me. He slowly leaned on my desk, he was wearing a coat and hat just like mine. I could tell he was frustrated by the bite marks in his hat. He grabbed my chirt by the collar and lifted me onto my desk. I was stunned at his strength, he was breathing heavily and slowly chanting something under his breath. He lifted a piece of paper and shook it urging me to take it. I started to sweat, not knowing why he was here and what he was doing. He shook it again and much more violently while glaring into my eyes. I looked over and saw my hand reaching for it. He shoved it into my hand and whipped around, another dark shadow appeared in the doorway although this time it had the shape of a beast. I heard him start to breathe even harder, there was a short silence. Suddenly the beast dashed towards us, it smacked me in the head and I became unconscious. When I woke up, I was lying on my desk, I heard something run past me and jump out the window.
I got up and jumped into my chair. I had a lot of worrying to do before the night was through, and then I remembered the piece of paper. Pulling it out of my left hand which was cramped up tighter than my sock drawer (which as you may not know has twenty-one padlocks and two 30 digit combination locks on it) I saw that my right hand was shaking for some reason. My whole body was afraid. I opened it up, and it read in sloppy letters:
Drudge, meet me at the dock tomorrow, eight o’ clock A.M.
“Well, at least he got the spelling right” I said to myself, “but what dock? There are no docks in Wen York city, we’re in the middle of the Denited States.” I began to ponder long and hard.
There’s one thing I forgot to tell you about me. I’m part time private eye, and you might have guessed from the first episode, that I am a very clever crime fighter. So to be a crime fighter, I not only need the smarts, but I need the spiffy gadgets, so at the moment, I knew that I was going to be working both shifts.
“I’m going six floors down to my spiffy gadgets department, in my spiffy hyper tube” I said to myself.
The next day, I stepped into my spiffy gadgets car. You’re probably wondering where I get funding for this. I sure as heck don’t know, but I do like getting $10,000 checks in the mail every day. But there is one possibility for these checks, and that could be that money grows on trees someplace in the Habamas and someone is trying to get rid of this year’s harvest. I was still on the spiffy gadgets floor and I was in my car… gee how do I get it up to twenteenth street, three floors up? Go figure, I switched my spiffy switch and sped up the spiffy ramp, out the spiffy trap door and onto the street. Pretty darn clever, huh? When I got to the street, I parked outside my office building. It was a quiet day in Wen York city, nobody was out, and there weren’t and silicon valley wannabes in sight, so I cautiously pulled out my laptop and opened it. Suddenly there were hordes of them all over the car trying to break through the windows!!! I reached over to my control panel and pushed the button that puts out 10,000 Bolts onto the surface of my car and they all just kind of flew off. I turned off the power, hit the ignition and peeled out. They were still running behind me and their hair was all puffed out.
“They seemed to have absorbed the shock” I said to myself as I rounded the corner to fiftytenth street. I hit the auto bananic machine gun switch, and fired a couple of round at them. It only slowed them down. I hit the next button that would probably work. It was the A.C.M.E. prop maker. I typed laptop and launched it out the window. They took to it as if it were the essence of life or something. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a sign that sad “The Dock”.
Stay tuned for the continuation of Classified: The Good and the Bad